


First Time All Over Again

by rmowens



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Anal Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Oral Sex, POV Switches, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Romance, just some smut, the usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 22:39:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17589761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rmowens/pseuds/rmowens
Summary: "Michael exhaled deliberately, like he was preparing himself for a Herculean task. As if he were psyching himself up to do something he knew he shouldn’t be doing. Like he was letting go of something, the respire expressing “Fuck it. Here goes nothing and everything all at once.”I guess this could be considered a "missing" or "extended" scene from episode 1x02 when Michael and Alex (I assume since it didn't actually show anything) have sex. Just kind of my hope of what happened.





	First Time All Over Again

**Author's Note:**

> So, I know the CW is a family friendly network, but could we please have seen just a little somethin somethin between these two before that "cut to black" sex scene? I've seen racier stuff on other shows on this network so I know its possible.
> 
> It took me awhile to get this written because the sex scene was particularly difficult. I struggled with their voices and what I think these characters might actually do and say to each other in this situation. So I would write a bit, feel like the scene was forced or artificial and decide to leave it for a day or so, then come back to it and re-work it. It's still not the exact way I would have liked, but I wanted to get this story up today before tonight's episode aired and crushed all my hopes and dreams.
> 
> ALSO, I wanted to explore the realities of Alex's missing limb. I've never experienced a situation like that (either myself or anyone I know) so I'm sure I didn't do it justice, but I felt like the show hasn't addressed what a missing limb means for an Iraq war veteran: most likely, an IED explosion. A painful, terrifying, near death experience. I'm not sure if the show ever told which part of Alex's leg is missing, but for this story, I'm going to assume he lost it from just above the knee. 
> 
> So, lovely people who are taking time out of their day to read this story, let me know what you think. Is it close to what you want to see on screen or way to contrived? Way to wordy and fluffy or just descriptive enough?
> 
> Happy reading!

Michael exhaled deliberately, like he was preparing himself for a Herculean task. As if he were psyching himself up to do something he knew he shouldn’t be doing. Like he was letting go of something, the respire expressing “Fuck it. Here goes nothing and everything all at once.”

That’s exactly what that breath was meant to me. Because it was most likely going to be painful, especially afterward. Oh, no doubt it was a bad idea and for sure he was taking a huge risk. But it was going to feel damn good in the moment and that’s all he cared about right now. 

Alex staring up at him from the messy bed with wide, dilated eyes; fumbling, shaking fingers trying to undo the button on his pants. Michael hadn’t seen the sight of the other man like this in over 10 years and it was dragging his memories and senses back to when he was 17, back when he was young and dumb and horny and hopelessly in love. Ironically, back when he still had hope for love. He hadn’t said it when they were outside of the trailer, but he felt exactly what Alex felt every time they looked at each other ever since the other half of his tortured soul arrived back in town. God he was so dramatic. Ten years later, and all the feelings between them were still there. Amplified even. Each building the other up in their minds as larger than life…untouchable, while apart. 

He collapsed onto Alex’s body, melting into him, burying his face in his neck where he pressed wet chaotic kisses against the warm skin, grinding into him in every place their bodies touched, desperately clinging to him with a need so fierce he felt like his heart was going to literally explode out of his chest. He felt the other man’s hands on him, just as needy, squeezing his arms, gripping his hips, clasping his ass. Both men so long deprived of loving touches they couldn’t slow down, even if they tried. 

Gradually, he realized he wasn’t getting enough air. His breaths were shallow and weak. He should’ve stopped and caught his breath. He knew it, but like everything else in his life, Michael did not do what he should’ve. Instead he put his mouth against Alex’s and stole the air Alex gave through his kisses. He didn’t know how long Alex’s breaths were sustaining him, maybe hours, until he heard a mournful and frustrated growl in his ear, felt its vibration along his lips. 

He was nestled between Alex’s legs, when he registered it. No, he was nestled between Alex’s leg and the prosthetic. Alex had forgotten. He tried to bring both his legs and wrap them around Michael’s waist, wanted to press him in further, but the prosthetic wouldn’t bend that way and Alex snapped out of his Michael induced haze when he realized the reality of the situation. He’d forgotten who he was now. How stupid he was. 

Michael felt Alex’s hands on his chest, pushing him off. His mind was still lost in the lust and he wasn’t registering Alex’s words of self-disgust. All he could think when his body was pushed so abruptly away was “No no no no. Not again.” He fought back against it, trying to get past the hands pushing him away, trying to get back to the warmth of his love’s body.

But he couldn’t ignore his name being yelled with such panic and pain from a voice he never wanted to hear those things in. 

“Stop Michael! Just Stop!” Alex’s voice trembled, a dam of tears ready to overflow at any minute.

Michael, now very clear headed, froze, his eyes scanning Alex for answers. His fingers brushed Alex’s cheek, trying to comfort the other man.

“What’s wrong?” 

“I’m not 17 anymore Michael.” Both men were bare chested, blue jeans still on, tight and wet at this point. But Michael knew where this was going. He could see the scars on Alex’s exposed skin now that he was looking. The military had taken its toll on him. He looked down at his own scarred hand and held it out to Alex. The human man took it in his own, a look of sadness in his eyes as he gently caressed the rough patches of scar tissue. He didn’t feel sorry for him but, he was sorry that something terrible happened to him. Something painful and something he wasn’t there for. 

Michael gently removed his hand from Alex’s and left the bed, standing in front of his now propped up form. He caught the other man’s gaze, never looking away as he unbuttoned his jeans and slid them down his waist and over his hips. His underwear going with the denim as he dragged them over his legs and stepped out of them. Alex’s breathing was uneven as Michael, now naked, leaned over Alex once again and began to confidently unbutton his jeans, signaling for Alex to lift his hips to he could pull everything down over his ass and past his knees. As he did so, his eyes finally slipped from Alex’s gaze to set upon the prosthetic as he finally slipped the pants completely off and unceremoniously tossed them on the floor next to his own. 

Alex’s eyes slipped shut, trying to hold back a tear falling down his left cheek, his body tensed as Michael ran one hand down his leg and the other down the prosthetic at the same time, admiring both.

“It doesn’t matter” Michael insisted, breaking the silence. “You’re beautiful no matter what.” He bent down to lay a gentle kiss on his knee, then on the prosthetic where his other knee used to be. 

Alex let out breath Michael didn’t realize he’d been holding. “Does it hurt?” He asked timidly, afraid of conjuring unpleasant memories, but wanting to know. 

“Sometimes.” Alex answered quietly “Mostly at the end of the day, when I’ve been on it a long time.” 

“Can you take it off?” 

Alex hesitated. 

“I want us to see each other. As we are now. Because like you said, we aren’t 17 anymore.” He glanced down at the burn scars on his hand, forcing knowledge of where they came from to the back of his mind. Not wanting them to stain this moment happening right now.

He looked at Alex pleadingly. Alex was the only person who had ever, and would ever, see this side of him. The vulnerable side. It wasn’t his choice though. Nothing ever was where Alex was concerned.

Alex mirrored Michael’s earlier exhale, preparing himself to be seen in a way nobody has seen him since the accident. In a way nobody had ever wanted to see him after the incident, disgust or pity written on every potential lover’s face. But this was Michael and he trusted Michael so he reached down and carefully removed the prosthetic, carefully propping it up on the cabinets next to the bed. Then he removed the covers that were meant to protect his skin from chafing. 

Michael tentatively reached out to touch what was left of his leg, giving Alex enough time to object if he wanted to. But Alex only nodded, silently giving permission. Michael’s fingers lightly grazed over the stump as he took in Alex’s naked form. Alex studied his body too as he sighed at the touch. 

The alien man reached out with more confidence, both hands framing Alex’s strong, milky white thigh, gently massaging the muscles on the inside and outside. Alex groaned in pleasure at the sensation. It’d been so long since anyone other than doctors and physical therapists touched him there.

As Michael explored, an extreme anger and sadness flared inside of him. Alex sacrificing his leg, and possibly his life, for what? For his bastard father, who couldn’t care less what happened to his son, no matter how hard he tried to gain his approval? It was bullshit. He couldn’t shake the unwanted image of Alex lying in an unfamiliar desert, so far away from the one they grew up in, alone, bleeding out, terrified, in pain, dying so far from Michael, felt like a dagger in his chest. Unexpectedly he began to tear up, his hands gripping Alex’s thigh even harder, holding on to him for dear life. 

Alex had never seen Michael cry before. Not even when they broke up. The urge to comfort and soothe moved him to sit up and cradle Michael’s face in his hands. He wiped tears away with his thumbs. “I’m okay” he assured. “I’m alive and I’m here with you.”

“I wasn’t there” Michael responded. “You were hurt. Dying, and I wasn’t there.” He ground his teeth in anger. Anger at himself. Anger at their circumstances and fates. 

“I wouldn’t have wanted you there.” Alex answered. “Knowing you were over here, somewhere safe, living your life…that’s what kept me sane. Kept me going.”

“Fuck you Manes.” Michael’s voice was too rough, too full of anger and Alex flinched, his fingers slipping from Michael’s face. 

“Every day I wondered if you were safe. Every day I thought about you, wondering what you were doing over there. Hoping you wouldn’t come home in a box. Every.Single.Goddman day. It drove me crazy. I hated you for the longest time for leaving me, for choosing your father and the military over me. I guess I still do.”

Alex couldn’t think of anything to say except “You hate me?” in a sad whisper.

“Not enough” he answered.

Michael lifted his eyes to meet Alex’s. They looked at each other, trying to figure out what to do now. Was the moment gone? Had they said too much to take back? But Michael surged forward, kissing Alex with pure want. Behind him, Alex’s arms strained under the pressure of keeping them both upright, but he eventually gave up and they both collapsed back down on the rumple of sheets that Michael hadn’t bothered to change in a couple of weeks. As the alien man worked his mouth down Alex’s chest and stomach, Alex turned his head into the pillow, inhaling the strong and familiar scent of Michael. A scent he had missed tremendously. A smell that made him instantly hard again.

Michael seemed to take notice and quickly engulfed Alex’s cock in his mouth without preamble. Alex let out a shocked yell, biting his bottom lip to avoid cursing. His fingers tangled in Michael’s curls. He’d always liked having them to hold on to when Michael was sucking him. It brought him a strange sense of comfort and he couldn’t describe why. He moaned and cried out as Michael’s hot mouth enveloped him again and again, his tongue rediscovering every vein, every crevice, and every nerve ending that drove Alex crazy. His legs were spread wide, giving the other man space to work, but Michael didn’t want space. He wanted to be closed in and surrounded. He moved down, laying gentle kisses on Alex’s balls, alternately sucking them into his mouth with care, the tip of his tongue running up and down his perineum, his tongue daring to tease over his hole, all while grabbing Alex’s thighs and hoisting them over his shoulders, grabbing his hips and pulling him down even closer to his face.

He felt Alex’s full leg drape along his back. The rough skin on the bottom of his heel grazing his spine. And he could feel Alex’s stump resting on his shoulder, the imbalance between the two at first odd but in no way unpleasant. Michael, now satisfied at being completely surrounded by Alex, surrounded by his warm, sweaty skin, enveloped by the musk of his groin and taint and ass, rested his cheek against the inner thigh of his lover’s half leg as he sucked and licked and nipped and kissed and caressed every bit of Alex’s intimate body parts; he nuzzled and kissed Alex’s thigh, his stubble causing friction against the pale sensitive skin as the human cried out in obscene pleasure.

Michael was purposely trying to drown himself in Alex’s taste and smell while Alex was just trying to hold on to the moment. To sear these feelings and sensations into his brain, something to keep him warm on the loneliest of nights he knew he was going to have in the future. New, fresh memories, as he’d worn out all of his old memories of him and Michael while he was in training, and then again at war.

He took inventory of not only the feeling of the touches and licks, but also of their scents, mixing together once again. He closed his eyes and bathed in the patch of sunlight streaming through the window and warming his chest. He listened to the sound of wind and chirps of birds outside. Those beautiful sounds of life outside mixed with the beautiful sounds of life inside. Michael’s moans as he ground his penis against the sheets beneath him, the smacks of Michael’s lips against his skin, the sound of the vacuum of Michael’s mouth making a “plop” sound as he pulled his lips from the tip of Alex’s cock. He wanted to remember everything.

Without warning, Michael gripped Alex’s hips and pulled him up onto his shoulders even further. He shoved a pillow under his lower back…”when the fuck did he have time to grab that pillow?” Alex thought absentmindedly. Apparently he was now just raised enough that Michael could fit his tongue into Alex. Barely. He watched Michael’s head as he strained his neck to a better position, greedily lapping and nipping at the pucker, not caring how uncomfortable he was so long as their skin never lost contact. 

But the more Michael’s tongue probed him, the more his spit and pre-cum covered fingers opened him, the more Alex couldn’t help but wiggling under him. The alien man’s fingers held onto the flesh of his thighs tightly, trying to hold him still, but as Alex flailed and whined and gripped his curls tighter and tighter, Michael couldn’t sustain the position. He reluctantly pulled away, determined to flip Alex over to continue his slow torture of preparation of Alex’s hole, but the human was too worked up to last much longer. It had been so long since anyone had treated him like this and he wanted it now. He wanted to feel Michael inside of him while they both came. 

As Michael began to come up for air and to readjust, they caught sight of each other’s faces for the first time since Michael said he hated him. They were both panting, Alex was flushed red from pleasure and strain. Michael, likewise was red and splotchy from lack of air, the heat of Alex’s groin and from the constant friction. But his face was also glowing. In the warm sunlight still shining through that window, Alex could see Michael’s face was wet with sweat and slick and spit. It wasn’t pretty, actually it was kinda gross, but knowing how much care Michael had put into making sure Alex was taken care of, loved, worshiped, made the sight indescribably beautiful.

Alex sat up and reached out, grasping Michael behind his neck and bringing him in for a kiss. They fell back together as Alex maneuvered the other man between his legs and ground up, making sure their cocks slid together. Michael honest to God whimpered as Alex took control, he planted his one foot on the bed and used his leg as leverage to thrust his pelvis into Michael’s. He brought his hand around both of them and squeezed just enough to make a perfect friction while he moved under Michael. Michael buried his face in Alex’s neck, relaxing his body while Alex took what he wanted. 

It didn’t last long before Alex grew impatient. He removed his hand from both of them, re-wrapped it around Michael and guided him to his entrance. Michael whipped his head up to look at Alex and a sad look that Alex barely caught flashed over Michael’s face before it vanished. The alien pulled away just a tiny bit, away from Alex’s hole, away from his body and Alex almost panicked before he realized the other man was going for his nightstand, opening a drawer and taking out condoms and lube. They knew they wouldn’t need much lube on top of all the other fluids they’d smeared between them, but the fact that they needed a condom caused a small, unexpected pang in both of them. Alex hadn’t thought, but he should’ve known. Of course Michael had been with other people, even recently. So had he, but his had been a long time ago. Before the accident and only because he was lonely and wanted comfort. Michael too had only been with other people purely for physical pleasure, but neither talked about it and neither knew if the other had loved anyone else in the ten years they were separated. It would be foolish to think there would be no one special for either of them. But both men were stupid for not realizing they were each other’s one and only, no matter how much time passed and no matter the distance between them.

Michael silently opened the package and put the condom on. He looked at Alex, subconsciously begging for forgiveness and then kissed him on the forehead. A silent apology for an infidelity that he had never actually committed. Alex kissed his cheek in return, a long press of his lips on soft flesh, offering his own apology. An apology for leaving Michael to those other people.

Alex broke the silence with a whisper “I’m ready.” 

“Okay.” Michael whispered back.

The alien man once again grabbed Alex’s hips, hoisting his legs onto his shoulders, folding him in half as he leaned up to distract him with kisses as he began to enter. Alex gasped in pain, his fingers gripping Michael’s forearms roughly to cope.

Michael immediately stopped. “Sorry, sorry” he sincerely uttered.

“It’s okay” Alex reassured. He knew Michael was being as gentle as possible. It felt like their first time and Alex smiled at the memory.

“I just haven’t….in a really long time.” A few beats and Michael processed what he was saying, wondering how long it’d been since he’d had any comfort or happiness, emotional or physical. 

“Okay” Michael acknowledged. “It’ll be like our first time again.” Alex let out a small chuckle.

“What?” Michael asked with a smirk on his face. It was nice to see the other man smile for a change. 

“Nothing…I just had the same thought.” He admitted shyly. 

Michael leaned down to kiss him again as he began to slowly and carefully work his way in. He would go in just a tiny bit, wait for Alex’s face to relax, then go further. And repeat. All the while, resting is forehead against Alex’s, resisting the urge to thrust all the way in, refusing to show Alex how difficult it was for him to go this pace when all he wanted was to bury himself inside and never come out. 

When he was finally fully seated as deep as he could get, Alex let out a sigh of relief. Michael knew to wait until Alex told him it was okay to move, like their first time. But instead, Alex, more confident now than as a teenager, withdrew himself from around Michael and before he was completely empty, slowly moved it hips back toward Michael. At the unexpected sensation, Michael groaned, grasping the sheets next to Alex’s head in his fist next. Before Michael could recover, Alex did it again, a little faster this time. 

Alex’s eyes rolled back and Michael cursed as Alex clenched around him as he pressed himself against Michael’s balls and lightly ground down. He began a third time moving his hips backward, down Michael’s shaft, but before he could thrust back up, Michael’s large hands gripped his thighs and pulled him toward him roughly. Alex screamed as his prostate was hit head on and Michael could only scream out another curse as Alex’s short nails dug into the skin on his arms. 

Michael’s shoulders were already beginning to ache under the weight of the other man’s legs, and Alex too was beginning to feel fatigue from his crunched up position, but neither cared when Alex requested “more” and Michael obliged. The desperation grew and grew as he thrust in and out, Alex giving equally in their wild push and pull against each other. They could literally feel the trailer rocking along with them and in the moment, neither cared if anyone saw it. Afterward there would be bruises and scratches and tender muscles and even a sore scalp for Michael. Still, neither cared and they carried on until Alex erupted between their bodies, Michael’s hand wrapped around him and encouraging him with each thrust, “Come for me Alex. I wanna feel you throb in my hand.” Michael never was one for dirty talk just for the sake of sounding "sexy". Everything he said during sex, he said honestly and sincerely and Alex knew it. Knew Michael really wanted to feel him. So he let go.

Michael watched his face in fascination. The way his eyes closed tight and his nose scrunched up as his mouth opened wide in a moan that never escaped. He remembered Alex had always been a quiet climaxer. His thighs clinched around Michael’s neck and his inner walls clinched around his cock, causing a domino effect and Michael, who was not a quiet climaxer, moaned and cursed as he emptied into the condom. 

Alex’s legs fell from Michael’s shoulders and he let out a small whimper at the change in position, now able to stretch his stiff muscles. Michael collapsed against his chest, his cheek pressing into his nipple as he caught his breath, his body relaxing after the release. Alex’s hands went to his curls, cradling and soothing the man above him, also tying to catch his own breath. 

After a few minutes of resting against each other, Michael gently pulled out, taking off the condom, tying it and tossing it onto the floor next to their jeans. He didn’t care if his trailer’s laminate was covered with the mess. It was proof of him and Alex. That this really happened. He laid down next to Alex, gathering the human in his arms and kissing him with all the tenderness his felt, nestling their foreheads together as their eyes closed in a sleepy haze. They held onto each other, reveling in the sunshine that was still streaming through the window, warming the cool sweat on their bodies. 

The palm of Michael's hand softly and slowly grazed Alex’s skin. Anywhere he could reach, including his damaged leg, which he treated with reverent care. Alex sighed in complete satisfaction and peace, having felt neither since he was 17. 

“What happens next?” Michael whispered against his collarbone, eyes still closed.

“We sleep.” Alex answered patiently, refusing to spoil this moment with doubt and responsibilities.

And so they slept. Until the bright sunbeams warming them turned to orange and purple streaks in the sky, until the stars came out, shinning bright. They each slept as if they hadn’t slept for 10 years.


End file.
